Certain Benefits
by kicry
Summary: After a fight with his boyfriend Ivan, Alfred finally takes his brother's advice and goes for counseling. But as far as Arthur is concerned, he wants to date Alfred himself instead of doing his job and fixing the couple's relationship. USUKUS RUSAME


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"For fucks sake Ivan, I swear the next time you call me that I'm going to fucking strangle your meaty fucking neck!" The man in question ducked as an Xbox controller was hulled at his face. His violet eyes narrowed, looking over his shoulder to see the controller had lodged itself into the wall. He smiled slightly in the direction that it came from.

"Your ugly side is showing, дорогой." He chirped. "It is a complement. Your eating habits may result in an unhealthy weight, but it is endearing. "

Another bout of curses emerged from Ivan's boyfriend, Alfred, stood up from his usual spot on the couch and glared at him.

"I said quit fucking bringing it up, so would you just respect me for once and do it?! I'm so fucking sick of dealing with this crap from you every time you open your fucking mouth!" He hissed through his gritting teeth, pointing at the Russian.

"And I would like having a more intelligent partner, but the world is not always kind." Ivan's smile stretched further across his face, his tone sharp and ever so slightly aggravated. His gaze darted from his lover's furious face to his own broad working boots, waiting for a sputtering retort. He enjoyed these times with Alfred greatly; he found his attempts at an effective argument to be absolutely adorable.

…

Thirty seconds seemed to stretch into decades of utter silence. There was no insult, no utterance of how much of a 'communist bastard' he was, which began to honestly worry Ivan. He finally looked up to see a completely new and fascinating sight.

Alfred's face was colored in splotchy shades of red that went from his forehead to the top of his neck, his eyes closed so tightly they looked as if they never would show themselves again. In fact, it looked as if the beginnings of tears were in the corners of them. _'Strange…'_ Alfred had never cried in front of Ivan, despite how long they had been dating…

"Y'anno," Alfred finally spoke, his voice cracking slightly. "If I'm so damn stupid that you wish we weren't together at all… I g-guess we just shouldn't go out."

Ivan inhaled sharply, eyeing Alfred in concern. "Альфред I think you may b-"

"No, Ivan," Alfred took a deep breath, trying to will himself not to cry in front of this asshole. "I-I don't want to talk to you. Just… Just get out."

"…" Ivan looked at his angry face curiously, and then gave a sharp nod, slowly turning away from the other man and walking out of the living room. Alfred waited until he heard the front door swiping open and closed to let the tears run their course, making jagged rivers that flowed for the longest time before he finally had no fluid to spare.

He collapsed onto the couch, curling up into a ball and fumbling to retrieve his phone out of this back pocket. He found 'Canadian' in his contacts and sent a quick text.

_Mattie call me wen ur free_

_3:42 p.m._

A few minutes later there was a response.

_Just a minute._

_3:46 p.m._

He was accurate, that's for sure. A literal minute later Alfred's phone was ringing in his hand.

"Hey Al, what's going on?" His brother asked, sounding concerned.

"S-sorry. I need to talk to you. Ivan…" Alfred tried not to sound so upset, but failed.

"What happened?" He sighed, sounding disappointed.

"Well, he called me chubby and then we fought and he basically called me stupid and I said that we should stop dating and I told him to get out." Alfred said all of his very quickly and in one breath. He waited a minute for his brother to process.

"… So you broke up with him. In that case I'm sorry it didn't work out and if he did say those things, you did what was right." Matthew stated promptly.

"Actually," Alfred chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just said maybe. Maybe we should break up."

There was moment of silence. "Do you still want to date him? That'll determine it."

"I don't know," The blonde took a moment to think. "I'm mad. Really fucking mad and hurt. But when he's not a fucking asshole he's a great boyfriend…" More thinking. "I kinda just wanna work it out."

He heard the Canadian sigh once more. "This has happened so many times. Can you just take my advice already? If you want to work it out, it's probably the best way of actually doing it this time."

"But Mattieeeeeeeeeee," The other whined. "Those cost a lotta money and take up too much time! Can't we just say sorry and move on?"

"Alfred this has happened far too often to be fixed with sorry. It's a deep rooted issue. It needs a real solution." Matthew waited for his words to sink in. "I know someone. A pen pal in your area. His name's Kiku and he's close to a guy with an agency who does this sort of thing. You'll get a discount if you talk to him. It'll be good for you to talk out your problems. I really think you should just do it."

"… I guess you have a point." Alfred admitted. "Any way I can talk to this Kiku guy?"

"Yes," The Canadian smiled, relieved that he would no longer be his brother's security blanket. "I'll text you the number. Just ask for him."

"Alright, fine. I'll talk to Ivan about it and we'll go. Happy?"

"Very. Bye." Matthew hung up.

Alfred took in a deep breath, laying back. Should he go see Ivan in person? An intense heat in his chest instantly rejected seeing his big stupid face anytime soon. Maybe a text? No, then he'd seem even more like a spineless wimp then he already did. He finally made the decision to go for a middle ground and just call him. He pulled up his favorite contacts and found 'Ivan 3' with a grimace. He was regretting that heart right about now. It rang three times before it was picked up.

"привет?" Alfred took a deep breath.

"Hi Ivan." He murmured. "I'm sorry and I don't want to break up."

"That is good!" Ivan chirped. "I apologize for my actions, I meant no harm."

'_No harm my ass.' _Alfred thought bitterly. "Yeah anyways, do you remember Mattie? He suggested we get counseling and told me how to get a discount. I think we should do it."

"… I don't know Альфред, I am very busy, you know my sisters are coming to visit…" The Russian responded hesitantly.

"Please? I really want to do it, and I don't wanna fight anymore." Alfred paused. "Please Vanya?"

He heard a sigh. Vanya always got him! "It is fine. When do you want to do this?"

"Six-thirty on Friday, that good for you?"

"да, I see you then." The American chuckled at his boyfriend's funny way of talking before saying goodbye and hanging up. Maybe this would be a good choice.

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"Hello, this is Kiku Honda for Bonnefoy Relationship Counseling, may I assist you?" The Japanese man droned robotically, his eyes trained on his watch. He didn't want to be rude, but this job could be rather taxing, especially when the company number was one digit different from a Chinese place on the other side of town.

"Hey dude, I'd like to make an appointment for six thirty on Friday!" Kiku grabbed a pen and jotted down the time.

"Hai, name please?" He asked, pulling up schedules to see who was free to work at that time.

"Alfred F. Jones, I'm Mattie William's brother! I had to be redirected three times to find ya!" Kiku hesitated for a moment. Matthew? Was this the brother he needed help with? "He said he talked it you about it!"

"Hai," He said slowly, going into a slight panic. He had promised a discount on an appointment that, according to the computer, no one was free to conduct. Biting his lip, he responded. "We will have room one hundred forty-three ready for you on Friday. Have a good day Mr. Jones."

"You too, later!" Kiku put down the landline, taking a moment to think. Elizabeta, Francis, and Antonio all had appointments booked, and Arthur was off work that day… He glanced back at the landline, and hesitantly dialed a number. Arthur had been complaining about his rent increasing and his need for some extra money. He was beginning to stress out, and maybe one extra client would ease his pain. The raven haired man repeated this thought, hoping he wouldn't regret this decision.

"Hello Arthur-san. I was wondering about your plans for Friday."

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This is a fill for a kink meme, and I honestly have no clue when I'll update. I hope you enjoyed it though!


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